Mama’s boy no more

Call me mama’s boy. I won’t refute but give you a grin because I know it’s true. Indeed I am a mama’s boy. That was before when I still see my mom. I can even recall sleeping under her armpit (weird but it’s true). But not anymore after my mom’s death last year. Oh that’s exactly a year ago when my left her earthly body and joined my father in the world of eternity.

I remember September 3, 2008 around 6 o’clock in the morning when woke up with tears flowing from my eyes. It was so dramatic, so intense that my heartbeat was so fast that I can hardly catch it. Then I rose and grabbed my cup and took some water to drink. I sat in the corner blankly. I don’t know why I was feeling and reacting that way.

Few minutes after, our youngest brother called me sobbing. I then understand the connection of my tears when my brother delivered a shocking news that our mom was rushed to the nearest hospital due to stroke. Tears just kept on flowing like a river. I wanted to go right away but I’m out of cash so I find my ways to generate cash so that I can catch the latest trip back to Negros, living my ailing mom under the care of our eldest sister, Bernadith and youngest brother, Joven.

A low tide of my life

The tide is low. The waters crawling like a newborn baby towards the shore. It hits the uneven and ruggedly sculptured rock.It was so weak, leaving it unnoticed.

Life is indeed like a sea. It will always have its season. Now, I’m faced with the difficult season of my life. Like a low tide I am currently crawling. Limped. Bored. No matter how much force I exerted my landing is so weak. So futile. I wanted to paddle the rough waves but my motion is as slow as a turtle.

I need to break the curse. I need to find my way back to the place where I belong. I am not trapped in this four corners of an edifice. When I started looking at the unpainted walls, I’m seeing a bleak future. It makes me uneasy, uncomfortable. Inside the condition is unfriendly. Everyone seemed doing their dirty tricks. I wanna get out. I’m afraid that it will consume my being and drag me to mediocrity.

Like a tide that waits patiently until the next season, I am waiting. I’m waiting until I finally get through this season. I’m just hoping to remain steadfast and focused for me to look at things positively. At the end of the day, it’s my life anyway.

Cran’s search for meaning

Trials, hardships and tribulations are but life’s spices. It etches mixed feelings of grief, melancholy, agony couple with tears and some with smiles. More often than not we perceive them as beast that gradually eats our soul.

It is like a harsh wave that squeez out the best of a person. The more you make yourself being exposed the higher the probability of becoming glorious in the end.

Like Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, who was one of the few Holocaust survivor. He is the think-tank and founder of logotherapy – a form of Existential Analysis.