What is this I’m feeling I just can’t explain… When you call it feels not the same… I tried to hide it.. try not to show it.. it’s crazy… how could this be…… I’m falling for you.. finally my heart give in and I’m falling in love… I finally know how it’s been.. so this is love.. 😉
Call me mama’s boy. I won’t refute but give you a grin because I know it’s true. Indeed I am a mama’s boy. That was before when I still see my mom. I can even recall sleeping under her armpit (weird but it’s true). But not anymore after my mom’s death last year. Oh that’s exactly a year ago when my left her earthly body and joined my father in the world of eternity.
I remember September 3, 2008 around 6 o’clock in the morning when woke up with tears flowing from my eyes. It was so dramatic, so intense that my heartbeat was so fast that I can hardly catch it. Then I rose and grabbed my cup and took some water to drink. I sat in the corner blankly. I don’t know why I was feeling and reacting that way.
Few minutes after, our youngest brother called me sobbing. I then understand the connection of my tears when my brother delivered a shocking news that our mom was rushed to the nearest hospital due to stroke. Tears just kept on flowing like a river. I wanted to go right away but I’m out of cash so I find my ways to generate cash so that I can catch the latest trip back to Negros, living my ailing mom under the care of our eldest sister, Bernadith and youngest brother, Joven.
Call me fragile. Vulnerable. Weak. Undeniably, I am. But that’s how I am when it comes to the matters of the heart.
Here I am again. Lost. I’ve been traversing from places to places just to find a niche for my very sensitive yet vital closed fist organ. Dismay is such an understatement for my failure.
I fell in love. Enjoyed and savored every moment of it while it lasts. Only to find out that love wasn’t for me to grapple for so long. The more I close my palms to save it, the more likely it struggles to break free. The harder it becomes for both souls. Chafing as it seemed but I gradually opened my palms to let go and let love finds the place where it belongs.
Finals na naman
Kinakalabog ang dibdib mo sa kaba
Kailanga mong makapasa
Para makapagtapos ka na.
Naghahanap ka ng tahimik na kanlungan
Ayaw mo naman sa madilim at masikip mong boarding house.
Nalibot mo na ata ang syudad
pati na rin ang kasuluksulukan nito
Ngunit ika’y isang bigo.
Napadaan ka sa isang mailaw na distrito
At napangiti ka ng husto
Nang makita mong maraming tao
Bitbit nila’y bolpen at libro.
Umupo ka sa isang sulok
Mata mo’y nagmamasid
Kinahu mo ang iyong libro
At ito’y iyong binuklat.
Ilang oras na ang lumipas
Masusi ka pa ring nag-aaral
Kahit ika’y gutom.
Gusto mo sanang kumain ng donut at iminom ng kape.
Patingin mo sa iyong buslot na bulsa,
Ni pamasahe wala ka na.
Tiniis mo ang hapdi ng tiyan
Hanggang ang sinag ng araw ay iyong masilayan.
Hay.. umaga na pala
Dali-dali mong niligpit ang iyong mga gamit
At lumakad ng matulin para ika’y di mahuli.
Hay, buhay estudyante nga naman
Kung bakit kailangan mong magsunog ng kilay
At maranasang magpakaaga sa isang donut stand.
Para mapasa ang eksamin ni mam.
March 8, 2002; 2:05 AM
@Dunkin Donut Iznart, Iloilo